Peyton is a worship pastor, and I am a stay at home mom. I sometimes get frustrated that Peyton and I can't eat out a lot because it's not in our grocery budget. I whine about how my back is hurting from this pregnancy and I need a hot bubble bath. I have an abundance of food in my fridge and cabinets and often sit in remorse as I eat way too many cookies. I use exercise until it becomes more about vanity than health. I often think if I wasn't a stay at home mom, I could afford to look cuter. Peyton and I always laugh because our date nights have become cheeseburgers instead of steaks. We make jokes that no one would want to break in our house because we have "nothing of value." Many nights are spent trying to stretch our dollars, clipping coupons, and choosing which groceries we really need. There are times when paper towels and a new toothbrush have to wait until next week's paycheck.
I often wondered recently if I should get a job to make a little extra money. God very clearly showed me that my job is to be a mom for the time being. I do not believe that it is for everyone, but I do believe it's what He wants for me right now. Peyton and I have been very humbled recently about our finances. We have been brought to our knees, asking God to provide. We always said we needed Him before, but never in this way. We started asking that God would give us money for our bills, for food, Asher's doctor visits, etc... We started praying for wisdom over what we had been given.
He answered us in two ways: "I will provide" and "You have too much."
So we started getting rid of stuff. Boxes and bags full of stuff. Extra clothes, cups, picture frames, jewelry, shoes, etc.. We got rid of everything we don't use. Afterward, we felt like we should give more. But how? We had nothing to give...or so we thought.
God showed us ways to give even when we didn't have extra money. Here is just one example: I found out about a lady who was about to have a baby boy and had nothing. I had four bins full of Asher's baby clothes in our attic in case we have another boy. To be honest, it was mostly clothes graciously given to us by family and friends. I felt God urge me to give it all away. He showed me that even if we have another boy, He would provide like He did the first time. For some reason, this was hard for me. Isn't it funny how we get attached to things? Now that it's all gone, I don't miss it.
In the midst of telling us to lighten our belongings, God is providing in miraculous ways. I am talking about random checks in the mail, people making us dinner, and we even were given enough diapers to last a month! We are tithing every week to our church, and yet we have enough to cover everything we need. He asks us to give, and He gives back to us. He asks us to step out on faith, and He is faithful to us. As our faith grows, He asks bigger tasks of us. It's a beautiful cycle.
Our most recent leap of faith took place about a month ago. I was sitting on our couch, praying for wisdom over our money. That's when the thought popped in my head: "Why don't we sell our house?" I tried to brush it off as crazy talk, but I became so filled with joy that I couldn't ignore it. So I told Peyton. He became filled, too. We got so excited that we couldn't sleep that night. Why were we excited about selling our house when I'm seven months pregnant? I have no idea, except that the Holy Spirit prompted it in us. The next day, we called the realtor. The next week, we put it on the market. Four hours later, it sold at full price. We are actually making money off of a house we have only lived in for a year and a half! Praise God.
So here we are. I am having a baby in less than two months. We are moving in two weeks into an apartment that, yet again, God provided for us. We are in a place of many unknowns, where God must come through or we will fall flat on our face. We may own a home again someday soon, but for now, this is what the Lord wants of us. Quite frankly, I have no idea what God is stirring in the Neill house. All I know is, we are full of joy! The less stuff Peyton and I have, the more clearly we can see the world through Jesus' eyes. There are many that may be confused at our situation and decisions, and I would be lying if I didn't have those moments myself. As this baby grows inside of me, I wonder how this will all play out.
Today, I had a very doubtful day. I started questioning our stability and comfort and re-examining our decisions. But tonight, I went to a meeting at our church where we update one another on the different missionaries we support around the world. I was reminded of my own experiences in other countries. How people live off the same food every day. Some go to bed hungry. Some need protection from illness without medical care to fall back on. Some are having to keep their ministry secret for fear of being exposed to the government. All of these missionaries are far away from their hometown, comfort, and families. I was reminded that Jesus asked his own disciples to go out without an extra change of clothes or food and depend on the hospitality of others.
Oh, how I am humbled tonight. Our family may not be rich by other people's standards. But we are filthy rich. We have never missed a meal. We have cell phones, electricity, water, and a house! We have money to budget. We have date nights. We have diapers for our child. We have health insurance. A bed. A crib. A dishwasher, washer, and dryer. Two couches. Two cars. I am using a computer right now. We have fruits, vegetables, and snacks to fulfill my sweet or salty cravings. We have hot water. We have clean water. We are rich, not only in material wealth, but in our faith. We have extra bibles in our home. We have a Sunday School, worship service, and prayer meeting each week with other believers. We are free to talk about Jesus, and live in a culture where it is common.
I am rich. You are rich. Sometimes, our riches makes us blind. Instead of giving to others or thanking God, we become numb to the gospel or long for more stuff. I know I have used the word "stuff" several times, but that's all it is. Peyton and I were paddling in a rowboat filling up with water, and unless we poured some of it back out, we would sink. God has shown us how to be grateful for every meal. To give even when you don't think you have anything to give. To value heavenly treasures more than our junk. To depend on Him.
I am not writing this to bring any attention to me and Peyton. I am not telling you to sell your house. I simply want to praise God for his provision, and to encourage you to look around at what you have. Ask God how you can be faithful with what you have been given in your money, materials, and talents. Peyton and I still have a long way to go, but this season, God has poured more joy into our hearts than ever before. We are more blessed than we have ever been. I long for all of us to be in a place of total dependency on Him. This is when He is most glorified and where our faith grows. I don't want to be blinded by our excess. I don't want to be fattened with the gospel, hoarding it for myself. Jesus tells us to give to others, so we should. He tells us to trust that He will take care of us, so we should. After all, is any of it really ours to begin with?
“Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moths and vermin destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moths and vermin do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also. (Matthew 6:19-21)
